Forty And Still Figuring “It” Out

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This weekend I debuted my new do! And while I received a ton of compliments, what many people don’t know is: it was (lovingly) by force.

I have been coloring my hair for many many years now, so many that it’s actually too many to give an exact number.  However; remembering my first color experience being somewhere between 8th and 9th grade. Oooh how I loved my burgundy plum Jazzing rinse (combined with my Hawaiian Silk relaxer), yes my doobie wrap was on point.

Like most young women, my affection for colored hair started off as being just for style purposes and as a part of my self-expression.  For those who have known me for a long time can tell you, I have tried just about every color you can possibly imagine; and that was whether my hair was relaxed or natural.  Many women can probably relate to having suffered through the teenage/young adult hair faux pas of trying at home, a process that only a professional should have done.

At the time, I was a college freshman and was attempting to box dye my hair some kind of a blond color from the infamous Posner blue/black rinse I had been wearing.  Well……..y’all can probably just imagine how that turned out.  I immediately turned to a dear friend for help and visited her grandmothers (now closed) salon in Bed-Stuy, Arch of Beauty.  Arch of Beauty was a premier Black owned business that had been featured in Black Enterprise Magazine before I even really knew of the magazine.  It was there that I had my very first heart to heart conversation about not just the importance of healthy hair care practices but, about how the choices you make around treating and caring for your hair are acts of self-love. When I say she read me, Vera (who is now among the ancestors) in all of her luscious locs, Afrocentrism and the love of a grandmother, gave me my first real lesson on (natural) beauty and how outward appearances reflect who you are on the inside. -It only took me another twenty years or so to truly get “it”.

Since my last big chop and going natural, my stylist and I have been having this (I’m not going to call it a battle) conversation about my hair.  Like my brother and other family members, we tend to grey early, which I began to notice in my twenties yet never paid much attention to. That was until it dawned on me that I wasn’t technically coloring anymore because I liked it but out of necessity to cover my increasingly greying hair.  Without even realizing like many women, I had become a prisoner to hair dye and grey hair camouflage styles.  The thing is though; grey hair is extremely color resistant and out right disrespectful!

In less than two weeks after having my colored, those ill-mannered springs would just pop up without invitation or notice! Causing me to become borderline obsessed with disdain of any and every appearance of the natural God-given (even if premature) aging process.  With every complaint, Diane reminded how beautiful my hair was/is and how blessed I am to have hair, hair that grows and hair that is healthy.  She would remind me of how so many women battle with all kinds of alopecia and thinning yet I was hearing none of it, every chance I got I’d complain about the “enemy”.

Now here I am the encourager, the often go-to, the mother of a young teenage daughter that I’m trying ensure has a strong sense of self and identity; yet self-deprecating my own “natural hair”.  As I approached my 40th birthday, I knew that I needed to deal with what was really going on.  So the journey to growing out my hair began.  My stylist and I agreed on a transition style to start the process (on the outside at least).  My friends that were privy to internal grey hair battle offered words of support and sent me various pictures and articles of grey haired, brown girl beauties encouraging me to embrace “it”.

This past week while still somewhat apprehensive, I took the next step….. and well with the nudge of a stylist that cut out the remainder of the color  just flat-out said “it’s yours so you need to get it together and get use to it”.  All of that fuss but here I am feeling freer than I have in a very long time, still learning to love ALL of me.  While I still don’t get this dye your hair grey phenom, I can honestly say that I feel good about where I am right now.

Does that mean I’ll never color my hair again, NO it does not. What it does mean, is if I choose to color my hair, it would be for style purposes and not because of any feelings of inadequacy. So yeah, I’m Forty And Still Figuring “It” Out.  

Spread Love, It’s the BrooKlyn Kisha Way!

Forty and Free!

Photo Credit: YMBlueOriginals

Camouflage Top: JaneDoughArmy

***Disclaimer*** Pray for me and my blanks stare/side eye for anyone who approaches me with a dumb comment……I’m work in progress.



Not a "Mommy Blogger" but a Mom that Blogs!


  1. Suzy

    Monday, April 03, 2017 at 3:02 am

    ❤ I’m feeling ALL of this article.

    • Lakisha

      Monday, April 03, 2017 at 3:16 am

      This journey of growing into your full self is hella real Suzy!

  2. Adrienne

    Monday, April 03, 2017 at 10:49 am

    You look Beautiful Kish!!!

    • Lakisha

      Monday, April 03, 2017 at 10:58 am

      Thanks -A! It’s about time I get it together.

  3. LaQuisha Hall

    Monday, April 03, 2017 at 1:03 pm

    Loving this style, queen! You are gorgeous! 😍

    • Lakisha

      Monday, April 03, 2017 at 1:38 pm

      Thank you LaQuisha!
      It’s a journey for sure.

  4. Keisha Adinkra

    Monday, April 03, 2017 at 1:03 pm

    Loved all of this and as many I can totally relate. Grey hair is extremely stubborn, you know laser hair removal can even get rid of them (don’t ask lol) But seriously I’m happy that you’ve found a comfortable medium with your grey hair. I’ve never color treated my hair as I’m a scary cat lol. Love your personality it jumps off pages & I subscribed to your newsletter ♥

    • Lakisha

      Monday, April 03, 2017 at 1:33 pm

      Hi Keisha!
      I couldn’t imagine laser. Thanks for visiting!

  5. LaShonda

    Monday, April 03, 2017 at 5:56 pm

    It looks great Lakisha!

    • Lakisha

      Monday, April 03, 2017 at 8:52 pm

      Thanks Shonda! 😘

  6. Jay Colby

    Monday, April 03, 2017 at 9:28 pm

    This was an inspiring article that shows that we should all have that self love for ourselves!

    • Lakisha

      Tuesday, April 04, 2017 at 2:27 am

      In the scheme of things, it’s really a small thing, thanks Jay!

  7. staciesayzso

    Monday, April 03, 2017 at 9:35 pm

    Love this! I have a natural white patch that I was born with so I know exactly what you mean. It’s great that you’re embracing your grey hair.

    • Lakisha

      Tuesday, April 04, 2017 at 2:25 am

      Thanks Stacie, isn’t that texture just obnoxious, lol!

  8. mimicutelips

    Monday, April 03, 2017 at 10:39 pm

    Congrats on taking the first step. Like you I’ve been coloring my hair since 8th grade. I started with peroxide and worked my way up to Jazzing. Pink greasy pillow case everyday. I have a ton of gray hairs and they refuse to be cut or colored even though I keep trying. I think I’m going to shave it all off at my next appointment. I need a fresh start.

    • Lakisha

      Tuesday, April 04, 2017 at 2:24 am

      Couldn’t get caught in the rain…. lol.
      They are the most stubborn things and they won the fight!

  9. Tanya “Real Wife Coach” Barnett

    Monday, April 03, 2017 at 10:48 pm

    I love the look! I love grey hair.

    • Lakisha

      Tuesday, April 04, 2017 at 2:22 am

      I’m ready to love it too, thank you!

  10. Carissa (The Green Eyed Lady)

    Monday, April 03, 2017 at 10:56 pm

    You look beautiful, and I too am a lover of hair color and before it was for fun but now these greys are NO JOKE! I love the new look!

    • Lakisha

      Tuesday, April 04, 2017 at 2:21 am

      Hi Carissa, thank you!

  11. TC Mason

    Tuesday, April 04, 2017 at 1:06 am

    You look great! Yeah grey hair is something that we can’t tell our body to stop producing but, I remember a mentor she once said that these grey hair should be something that we be proud off.

    • Lakisha

      Tuesday, April 04, 2017 at 2:20 am

      The aging process is inevitable and a part of life’s journey.

  12. feleciamonique88

    Tuesday, April 04, 2017 at 12:40 pm

    It looks great! Every time I make a major change looks or otherwise I get anxiety. Great post!

    • Lakisha

      Wednesday, April 12, 2017 at 1:27 am

      Thank you Felecia! I can see that, sometimes peoples reactions can make things a bit awkward

  13. Tia | Pennies In My Pocket

    Wednesday, April 05, 2017 at 11:45 am

    I completely understand. I think grey hair is beautiful. After damaging my hair with color in college, I have not experimented much with color. My hair has definitely gone through a transition over the years though.

    • Lakisha

      Wednesday, April 12, 2017 at 1:28 am

      Its a good thing we get to recover from hair faux pas

  14. Kiwi

    Wednesday, April 05, 2017 at 1:11 pm

    I love that you are rediscovering yourself. I am a bit younger than you but I had this revelation as well like 5 years ago. Two years ago I decided to cut my blonde out and I am not going to dye my hair again because it was making my hair unhealthy. I will get my color through braids, crochet style,etc…

    • Lakisha

      Wednesday, April 12, 2017 at 1:29 am

      Good idea, work with protective styles when you want change is always a safer way to go.

  15. Lia World Traveler

    Wednesday, April 05, 2017 at 1:29 pm

    Thank you for the reminder that we are beautiful at any age and to embrace the grey!

    • Lakisha

      Monday, April 10, 2017 at 11:51 am

      Thanks for visiting Lia, it sure is!

  16. cleverlychanging

    Wednesday, April 05, 2017 at 1:39 pm

    I loved this post. My sister and husband are both starting to grow a lot of gray hair. While it makes them look older I see it as a sign of wisdom.

    • Lakisha

      Wednesday, April 12, 2017 at 1:24 am

      Thanks for reading, it’s growing on me.

  17. Shellz

    Thursday, April 06, 2017 at 3:43 am

    The hair battle is super serious. Perm, color, natural, braids? It’s all a headache but I love trying new styles. I haven’t had the guts to do the big chop yet!!

    • Lakisha

      Wednesday, April 12, 2017 at 1:23 am

      I love that we have so many options!

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