Forty And Still Figuring “It” Out

This weekend I debuted my new do! And while I received a ton of compliments, what many people don’t know is: it was (lovingly) by force.

I have been coloring my hair for many many years now, so many that it’s actually too many to give an exact number.  However; remembering my first color experience being somewhere between 8th and 9th grade. Oooh how I loved my burgundy plum Jazzing rinse (combined with my Hawaiian Silk relaxer), yes my doobie wrap was on point.

Like most young women, my affection for colored hair started off as being just for style purposes and as a part of my self-expression.  For those who have known me for a long time can tell you, I have tried just about every color you can possibly imagine; and that was whether my hair was relaxed or natural.  Many women can probably relate to having suffered through the teenage/young adult hair faux pas of trying at home, a process that only a professional should have done.

At the time, I was a college freshman and was attempting to box dye my hair some kind of a blond color from the infamous Posner blue/black rinse I had been wearing.  Well……..y’all can probably just imagine how that turned out.  I immediately turned to a dear friend for help and visited her grandmothers (now closed) salon in Bed-Stuy, Arch of Beauty.  Arch of Beauty was a premier Black owned business that had been featured in Black Enterprise Magazine before I even really knew of the magazine.  It was there that I had my very first heart to heart conversation about not just the importance of healthy hair care practices but, about how the choices you make around treating and caring for your hair are acts of self-love. When I say she read me, Vera (who is now among the ancestors) in all of her luscious locs, Afrocentrism and the love of a grandmother, gave me my first real lesson on (natural) beauty and how outward appearances reflect who you are on the inside. -It only took me another twenty years or so to truly get “it”.

Since my last big chop and going natural, my stylist and I have been having this (I’m not going to call it a battle) conversation about my hair.  Like my brother and other family members, we tend to grey early, which I began to notice in my twenties yet never paid much attention to. That was until it dawned on me that I wasn’t technically coloring anymore because I liked it but out of necessity to cover my increasingly greying hair.  Without even realizing like many women, I had become a prisoner to hair dye and grey hair camouflage styles.  The thing is though; grey hair is extremely color resistant and out right disrespectful!

In less than two weeks after having my colored, those ill-mannered springs would just pop up without invitation or notice! Causing me to become borderline obsessed with disdain of any and every appearance of the natural God-given (even if premature) aging process.  With every complaint, Diane reminded how beautiful my hair was/is and how blessed I am to have hair, hair that grows and hair that is healthy.  She would remind me of how so many women battle with all kinds of alopecia and thinning yet I was hearing none of it, every chance I got I’d complain about the “enemy”.

Now here I am the encourager, the often go-to, the mother of a young teenage daughter that I’m trying ensure has a strong sense of self and identity; yet self-deprecating my own “natural hair”.  As I approached my 40th birthday, I knew that I needed to deal with what was really going on.  So the journey to growing out my hair began.  My stylist and I agreed on a transition style to start the process (on the outside at least).  My friends that were privy to internal grey hair battle offered words of support and sent me various pictures and articles of grey haired, brown girl beauties encouraging me to embrace “it”.

This past week while still somewhat apprehensive, I took the next step….. and well with the nudge of a stylist that cut out the remainder of the color  just flat-out said “it’s yours so you need to get it together and get use to it”.  All of that fuss but here I am feeling freer than I have in a very long time, still learning to love ALL of me.  While I still don’t get this dye your hair grey phenom, I can honestly say that I feel good about where I am right now.

Does that mean I’ll never color my hair again, NO it does not. What it does mean, is if I choose to color my hair, it would be for style purposes and not because of any feelings of inadequacy. So yeah, I’m Forty And Still Figuring “It” Out.  

Spread Love, It’s the BrooKlyn Kisha Way!

Forty and Free!

Photo Credit: YMBlueOriginals

Camouflage Top: JaneDoughArmy

***Disclaimer*** Pray for me and my blanks stare/side eye for anyone who approaches me with a dumb comment……I’m work in progress.